There are some many directions to go with this topic, but I will try to stay the course. I believe this to be a very important topic especially in these financial times. I'll begin with a question as to how you handle your finances in your home? Do you know how much money your spouse makes? Do you know how many credit cards your spouse has and what is the outstanding balance? How much of a payment does he/she make toward debt monthly? Do you know how much it takes to run your home financially? I ask those questions, due to some many people do not know the answer to any of them or they may know the answer to one of two of them.
Lets break it down by each individual question. How do you handle the finances in your home, is important to address; is it individually or a group session in your home? In an effort to limit the amount of stress on one partner, how money is spent should be decided together. They have a saying, which says, "whoever controls the money has all the power." That doesn't seem like a even scaled marriage. Who wants to feel underpowered in a relationship that is to last a life time? To keep everybody in the know and the level of power equal handle your home finance together. That does not mean you have to have a joint account, but you should both know how to work the budget.
Next, Do you know how much money your spouse makes? This is a strange question for me to ask personally. During my career I have come across men and women who had no idea of how much money was actually coming into their home. I do not understand how you could live with someone and not know how they handle money or how much money they make. You must know the answer to this question in order to credit a budget and to create the best financial future possible for your family. How can you build an emergency or savings account when you don't know how much is really left over at the end of the month. You are unable to plan for college or much of anything else. This should not be a secret among partners, because partners share.
This is a big one, How many credit cards and what is the outstanding balance for your spouse? It is shocking to me that many couples have no clue to this question either. You can see how this would go hand in hand to knowing how much money is actually coming into your home. If you knew the answer to the the prior question, you should be able to answer this one. There are couples where one spouse has two cards and another has 20, but the other spouse has no knowledge. During a financial counseling session is not a good way to find out this information. Unknown debt can cause undue stress in an other wise good marriage. This includes student loans and tax obligations.
What if you knew how much money your spouse made, but when you got married you didn't see it. You should have asked this questions: How much of a payment does he/she make toward debt monthly? It makes no difference it you know the answers to the other questions if you don't know this one. If you or your spouse are struggling by yourself more often than not you will struggle together, especially if there is no budget made. The only area of the budget that will be freed up when two becomes one is the loss of one paying rent and utilities, but then other bills may increase when bringing a family together. You may need more space, which means a higher payment, which takes some of the money you just saved in moving in together.Be aware of how much the monthly payments are prior to marriage or at least as soon as somebody becomes frustrated. You can not have two homes operating as one financially under the same roof, there will be confusion and separation.
The last question is, Do you know how much it takes to run your household? If only one person is handling the money then your answer will be no. You must think ahead, what if something were to happen to the one handling all the financial issues, how will the other spouse handle the new position. Are all the the bills handled online and if so where and what are the passwords. Does it take both incomes to keep all the necessities operating? You must sit down as a couple and pay your bills in order to keep the harmony and stress spread out evenly. Doing so will also help you to answer the other questions I have asked within this post. Be realistic when creating your family budget and be willing to sacrifice for the bigger picture, based on necessity not wants.
There is no more coming together than to do it with the family finance. Doing it together keeps the pressure off only one spouse and it could keep many money arguments down. If you both are in agreement and aware of what is happening then there should not be a lot to argue about in that area. During this economy many marriages have suffered and I would hate to see a marriage fall apart due to money and the stress it can bring. You must discuss, prioritize, and budget together, while sticking to your decisions and if there are changes to be made do them together. Preferably you discussed all this before you got married and if not please start now, but if your already married it is never too late. Don't wait for the tide to come before you buy the boat or life vest.
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